"Thank you." A study from the University of California showed that those who feel appreciated by their partners are also more appreciative of their partners-so it goes both ways. The next time your husband does something thoughtful, even if it's as tiny as remembering to put your wet beach towels in the wash instead of on the floor, say "thanks" instead of "Oh, good, you're learning!"
SOURCE: 9 Little Things Your Husband Never Gets Sick of Hearing | Love + Sex - Yahoo Shine.
I am not going to bore you with all nine things men like to hear from their wives but to me this is a timely article.
As our marriages mature we often forget to compliment each other. That seems to be the major contention with my spouse and I’m sure many of yours. This is also likely a significant part of why divorce is so common today. We just don’t show our appreciation for our spouses as we should. We don’t show that we value them and what they do.
Let’s all make a habit of telling our spouses thank you and that we appreciate them.
Several things have come together lately that take my focus to the decisions we make in our lives. With that in mind I am going to attempt a series of posts here at RJ’s Corner with the title above.
Every day we make hundreds of choices in our lives. Many of them are things like what to eat, or when to go to bed. I think most of us are pretty good at making those daily decisions. But I am convinced that many, including myself, are not so good at some of the higher level ones. We just don’t spend enough time thinking them through before we make our choice. Being in my seventh decade of life, I have been through a gamut of choices. I will use this wisdom to reflect on how I did in that regard. In this series I hope you get some insight into your own travels and hope that you learn a little from my words.
The title “Don’t Get Stuck” should give you a pretty clear idea of where I imagine I am going with these posts. The idea is to never think you are stuck with just one thing. There are always choices. Some might require stepping back a few steps to admit that you made a previously unwise choice and then going from there. Some might be having the guts to go forward into an unknown area. Some might be better for you; some better for others. But, the choice is always yours.
I haven’t completely thought out this series yet so I don’t really know how it will conclude but I do have quite a few titles in mind. In order to not bore you to death I will likely intersperse this series with my usual stuff. I hope to learn a few things about myself along the way. I would love to hear from any of you about possible topics and also I would love to hear some of your stories in this area. I very highly encourage you to ring in here. If you don’t feel comfortable with letting others know who you are email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or comment as “anonymous”. I will break my rule about accepting those types of comments for this series .
Some of us in our senior years think that our choices in life have pretty much played out. I don’t believe that for a minute. Some of us think that due to the roads previously chosen some choices are not now possible. I don’t believe that for a minute either. Come back on the days ahead to see where this series goes and help me move it along certain paths.
Be forewarned that I am not a professional in this area. I am not a self-described lifestyle coach or anything like that. I am just a simple guy who has made many choices in life; some of them pretty good, some not so good and am willing to share them with you in hopes that you and I might learn something from them.
Never get stuck in your life thinking that you are out of options.
I have come to a realization lately that these stories of all us old people living longer is a bunch of phooey. Here I am finishing up my second year of being on Medicare and when I read the obituaries in our local small town paper I see lots of people who are much younger than I am. That fact has kind of startled me and warned me that my years on this earth might be shorter than I have planned. You never know.
At our ages if we show up in tomorrow’s obit it probably wouldn’t bring a big surprise to anyone especially to those younger folks who are currently taking over the country. Some might even be relieved that one less person is on the Social Security entitlement program. But I have been told by all those statisticians that I will live considerably longer than my parents and grandparents due to all the advanced technology and stuff. I am a planner, I have always been a planner and I am planning on living another dozen years or so but maybe the big guy upstairs has different plans. :)
In reality I think the biggest voice in the “living longer” stuff are the financial planners. The more they can convince you to put aside and let them manage, the bigger their income. I was told I would require 90% of my pre-retirement income in retirement. In reality the number is more like 60%, maybe even lower. I admit that we are living more frugally than before but we are also living more satisfyingly.
In the end (pun intended) we will go when we go. None of us have a big part of that date. Yeah, we can maybe stretch it out a few more months if we spend hours a day at the gym and eat nothing but alfalfa sprouts but who really wants to do that? I kind of think my DNA and genes have a more prominent role in how long I live.
Like it or not, admit it or not, as we get over a certain age our bodies start to deteriorate. That is just the normal scheme of things. Some like to delay the process with various creams and other snake oil type things. But in reality we all die sooner or later. I think those of us who are reconciled with that fact live a more comfortable and soothing life. Those who battle it to the end are doing just that; battling it to the end. I don’t want to be in that camp. Some day I will wake up to read my obituary in the paper. That is just the way it is……
Some time ago I came across a blog from a Romanian blogger named Cristian Mihai that got my attention. On many of his posts he seems much too mature for his twenty-two years. But then other times he seems to fit right in to that bracket. He is an ambitious young man who has totally conquered English as his second language. He is also a self-published author.
Below is one of the posts that seems almost profound to me. He is talking about what it means to be a writer:
Source: You either write or live « Cristian Mihai.
You have to take a step back, see things for what they are, and then write about them. You have to become an observer, you have to put your life on hold. You have to spend a lot of time inside your head, a lot of time all by yourself, in your living room, scribbling down one word after another.
Simply put, writing is a solitary job. And the inexorable truth is that solitude transforms you. When you sit down at your desk, you’re on your own.
There’s only one question that matters: are you willing to pay the price?
Are you willing to become a shadow?
I’m just now realizing how much I want to live. You know, to see the world, to do stuff. How much I need to fall in love. I spent a lot of time just writing. Because, to be honest, there wasn’t anything else for me to do. It’s sad, I know, but it’s the truth.
If writing were as simple as putting pen to paper, we’d have lots of brilliant writers. But it’s not as easy as it seems. It’s not just about perseverance and hard work, about dedication and ambition. It’s not about some x-factor, impossible to define. Some God-given gift.
All of us bloggers are writers to one degree or another. I can see myself in his words. Being a blogger is to put yourself forward for others to see. I do try to take a step back to see things for what they are but since we are all the products of our experiences that sometimes proves difficult. I admit that I spend a lot of time “inside my head”. When I do the first write of a post I often times later scramble back to my keypad several times to tweak a word or two that I have been thinking about.
I know blogging is not up to the rigor of writing a novel or biography but there still is a price to pay. I too love to write and spend quite a bit of time on my ever growing blog lists especially in the winter months when there is little else to do. Cristian now resides on my blogroll to the right. It is interesting to see the different thought process between me a senior citizen in the U.S. and a young man from Romania. I follow him daily. Sometimes it is only a cursory look and other times, like the post above, I spend time to almost absorb each word.
I can only say with 100% certainty how I personally feel about things. I won’t speak for others in that regard. I will admit that as I am getting older I am strangely happier and more settled in my life than I ever have been. This is despite the fact that my body continues to tell me I am over the hill. When I ran across this article this morning it told me that I am not alone in this regard. Here are some of the words from the source:
Source: Good news about aging: Get older, feel better, study finds - Vitals.
“We were astounded by how physical disability and self-rated successful aging went in diametrically opposite directions with aging,” Jeste told NBC News. The results also suggested that the more resilient people are -- or able to cope with acute stressors -- the better they aged. Conversely, people who reported higher levels of depression were less likely to say they were aging well.
The new results are consistent with previous research that shows that people are depressed in middle age, but then become happier as they get older, Jeste said. That may be because older folks likely have grappled with the most contentious questions of life -- work, family, finances -- and come to some resolution. “As people get older, they are less bothered by negative stimuli,” Jeste said. “You take things in stride. Regret becomes less common.”
As pointed out here I think one of the big factors is that I just don't have much regret about things as I used to. I accept that "life isn't fair" and that sometimes we don't get the breaks we think we deserve. I used to fret over such things but as I am getting older they just don't matter much anymore. They are just not important anymore.
It took me almost six decades of living in this world before I finally found out who I am. I hear of others who discovered that secret, or at least they think they did, much earlier in life. But, I kind of think that I am more typical than those folks. It was not until I settled into my retirement that I knew what my life was supposed to have been about all along. It is never too late to discover that. :)
My body continues to degrade on a seemingly weekly basis now but I am not stressed about that. I try to take care of myself. I watch my weight and try to walk at least three miles each day. But due to compression fractures in my back I am no longer able to lift much weight. Due to my deafness and aging I am not as steady on my feet as I used to be. And, of course, my daily regimen of pills increases in a regular basis. I accept the fact that I am getting older; I just don’t fret about it any more.
I know young people can’t understand how old people can be happier when they face so many health issues. It is all a matter of contentment. Don’t try to convince me that I need to do whatever I can to look younger. I am past that vanity point in my life. I know where I am going now. Eventually I will die like everyone else. That really doesn’t scare me much anymore. I just enjoy each moment now and don’t fret over how many of them are left. I am at peace with myself and that is what makes me happy now.
I don’t know how many times I have heard the title of this post. I defiantly don’t want people putting me in a pre-defined box! I guess that makes me ornery but I really don’t care. When someone says act your age they are really saying lie back and do what you are supposed to do. What a bummer man…. Besides that just which age do you want me to act.
- In my mind I feel like I am thirty-something but with the wisdom of a sixty-something. Yeah, my body seems to constantly remind me that it is older than that but I defiantly poke back against it on a regular basis.
- My spiritual self thinks I am in my prime. I have struggled for many years with my place in the universe of God. I have only recently discovered, at least to my satisfaction, where I belong. But, I feel I still have many more years of discovery ahead of me. So spiritually I feel almost like a babe-in-the-woods.
- Intellectually, I know much more than I did decades ago. When we are teenagers we all seem to think that we know more than our parents. But, as the years pass we realize that mom and dad really did have some life lessons that we could have benefited from if we had taken the time to listen and take them to heart. Now that I am on the back side of the hill I seem to have the wisdom that I so adamantly desired in my earlier years. So, where am I intellectually? Hard to say… I still have many more things to learn and I hope I never grow out of that. I have asked “why” my whole life and I intend to ask that even on my deathbed.
- Emotionally I imagine myself still in my peak years. I don’t let things bother me as much as I used to. In my younger years women totally intimidated me because I just didn’t understand them. I still don’t understand them but it doesn’t bother me anymore :)
- Chronologically I guess I am in the last 15% of my life. But that doesn’t really mean anything. I have always, or at least mostly believed in quality not quantity so I hope the years I have left will be the best ones. At least that is what I am striving towards. With all this wisdom and peace I now have I think I can still accomplish much in my life. I see those who are younger around me who seem to be following very troubled paths. Maybe I can just help them to find out what it took me years to discover. That is if they will listen, and they probably won’t. I didn’t when I was their age….