I Think I Would Be Better Off…

I have freely admitted here that I suffer bouts of depression, especially in the winter months. I just can’t seem to shake that to any significant level anymore. It is just a part of me now.  I was a “thoughtful” kid who dreamed a lot but it was not until I went deaf almost 30 years ago now that depression on any level creeped in

Not being able to hear is depressing on a  constant level but I have managed to deal with that for the most part. It was a good number of years ago that I discovered that my mind just won’t register the sound of musical instruments anymore. The first time I realized that was kind of shocking!  I loved my music in the early years. During college I almost constantly played 33 rpm records on my home built stereo (I couldn’t afford to buy a unit off the shelf). Music just seemed to calm me down and got me through all the studying I did in the late night hours.

IMG_2882.jpgA while ago I just happened to turn on the local PBS channel and came across a bluegrass fest as shown to the right. I marveled at the dexterity of the pickers on the stage even though I couldn’t realize the sounds they were making. It hit me very suddenly that maybe part of my depression is because I am not soothed by music any more. I think the saying that “music calms the savage beast” is very true, especially for me.

Maybe if I could hear I could turn on some music of Dylan, or Simon & Garfunkel, maybe a little Peter, Paul, and Mary, to get me out of my moods I find myself in. Maybe a little modern day bluegrass would sooth me?  Maybe I could be calmed?  I think I would be better off it I could escape into my music once in a while. Maybe my periods of depression wouldn’t be so often or so severe?

I do miss my music, sometimes that fact hits me like a rock as it just did….