While it’s true that about half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, that is a deceiving statistic.

• The average U.S. marriage lasts about 20 years.
• The 8th year of marriages is the time of the highest divorces.
• 40% of marriages last at least 25 years.
• 45%  of marriages end due to the death of a spouse.

For the purposes of this post, I want to concentrate on the last one on the list.

45%  of marriages end due to the death of a spouse.

Instead of looking at divorce statistics as saying that marriages are short-lived, I look at the fact that almost half of us will eventually become a widow/widower. So, as the title above says, no one stays with you permanently, so you must learn to survive alone. My wife of 35 years died over two years ago, and I am still learning to survive alone. I was in the caregiver mode for more than a decade, as her health continued to decline due to continuing poor health choices and her susceptibility to addictions. Having a decade to get ready to live on my own, I thought I would be ready.

But I wasn’t

I’m not sure anyone can ever actually be ready, but I thought that certainly I could? We were not married until I was quickly approaching 40, so I had years of living alone before marriage, so why am I having trouble managing it after losing my spouse?

One of the primary reasons for that is likely the amount of help she provided me in dealing with a neurotypical, hearing world. I have read story after story about how others with autism become exhausted when they have to cope with groups of people on a social basis. I didn’t fully appreciate the amount of help she provided me in those situations until it was no longer there. Now that I am alone here in my RetCom, I have come to fully recognize her assistance as invaluable.

Changing subjects slightly, it’s funny how all the annoyances and such of a marriage seem to disappear when one of them dies. The only things I remember about Yvonne now are the good things. The things that we basically disagreed on, and other irritating things, just don’t come to mind now. I know there were times when I considered that maybe I would be better off without her. I have come to realize how foolish those thoughts were.

Closing out on a philosophical note, All Christian marriages are ended with the phrase

Until Death Do You Part

But, I don’t feel the apart thing, even after two years. She is my wife and will continue to be my wife, while I still have conscious thought. As far as I am concerned, her death didn’t mean that we are no longer married.