Until my official retirement from the corporate world happened twenty-four years ago, I always imagined that retirement was about just lying back and letting the days happen. But, for me, that is much easier said than done. That is what this post is all about.

All my life I have always been a schedule and goal-oriented person. My days had to be filled with purpose. The calendar app on my right side monitor in front of me right now is evidence of that. Every day on the calendar app has at least 4 or 5 things that I scheduled to accomplish. There has not been an empty day on that calendar for as long as I can remember. From what I have found, this is an Aspie thing that I need to consider doing without, especially at this time in my life. Until recently, I never considered giving up my goal – centered calendar, but I am doing for the next week.

This year I have been tearing off the masks I have often worn my entire life. Tearing off lifelong masks has been exciting, but the problem is knowing when you reach your true self. I guess that is probably when you have that “aha” moment that things are finally feeling “right”.

But, then again, I have to also admit that some of the things that currently bother me are part of my Autism, and they also need to be changed even if they are part of my neurological foundations. In the coming days I am going to do without my calendar constantly in front of me. I won’t be putting in everything I do there. This will be an interesting experiment, and maybe a little unnerving at first. Perhaps I will have that “aha” moment when I discover that things don’t have to be put on a list to make my day a success. I am just going to let life happen and see how that works out.