Life On My Own

A couple of weeks ago I posted about building my fortress of solitude in my 800 sq ft Retcom apartment. In that post I mentioned LOMO but didn’t explain it much. This post does that explainin.

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I am finally able to admit that I am now the happiest I have been in at last last ten years and maybe ever. My wife of 36 years passed away 4+ years ago, but for a decade before that I was in the “caretaker” mode. Those were exhausting times. Up until now I have felt guilty of recognizing that those years were mostly filled with anxiety and frustration rather than with joy and love.

When she breathed her last breath I was overwhelmed with grief and gladness at the same time. I was hit head-on with “Till Death Do Us Part”. But, at the same time, I realized that the pain and frustration of those final years were finally over.

Then came the years of trying to fit into my new RetCom (retirement community) home. I was suddenly thrust into living with 200 people in the same building. For a decade before that it was just her and me. After she died I tried my best to meld with the community but the road was strewn with obstacles some of which have proved to be insurmountable. During that time I put on mask after mask to try to be one of the gang but it never happened.

Finally after two years of total frustration I realized that “fitting in” was just not possible to any degree. I felt frustrated and those around me just didn’t know how to be friendly with someone who talks too loud because he is deaf and is too blunt because he is neurodiverse.

About 2 years in that mode I finally realized all the masks I was wearing to try to fit in were just a lot of useless baggage holding me back. It was then that I finally took on the task of shedding those and many other masks that I had worn for a lifetime and just be myself. Here we are two year later and I think ALL those masks are finally gone.

I am fully enjoying living LOMO

As shown above LOMO means “Life On My Own”. That means that I am not counting on someone to come in and help me find a reason for living. What I want to do at any time is totally up to me. I have finally crafted a life that suits me very well.