All of us who have lived a good portion of our lives have some regrets on how some things have turned out. One of my biggest regrets is not having children. As I mentioned before my wife Yvonne and I did not meet and get married until we were over forty years old. Yvonne was already in menopause by then so children were not in our future. We did discuss the possibility of adopting but like many other things we procrastinated so long that even that option was not really doable.
But, given that my deafness is congenital I was very hesitant about having children. Would they become deaf later in life like I had and have to face the corresponding obstacles? I had thought about this even years before marriage. Also coming from a broken family where my mother had abandoned me I did not view marriage as a “Ozzie and Harriet” type thing. As a teenager I proudly stated that I would remain a bachelor my whole life. But I think the proclamation was really a cope out now.
I consider myself a somewhat compassionate person who I think would have made a good father. In some ways I still have an attitude of a child. This is evidenced by the subtitle in the banner at the top of this blog. When Yvonne was young she had dreams of having eight kids so her disappointment is probably greater than mine. But this topic is just one that we no longer discuss as it brings mostly regret now.
Not having children has left Yvonne and I somewhat alone in the world. We have no siblings or other relatives in our area so that type of daily interaction is not to be. We don’t have anyone around that we can really count on to help us with life’s challenges in our senior years besides ourselves. I do have a couple of brothers and both have children but they are all in distant States and we are somewhat unknown to them and their families. I regret that we did not form stronger bonds as the years have passed.
I think I would have made a good father and a super grandfather but regrettably it was just not to be. I have had a good and fulfilling life but it has not been without regrets.
And the journey goes on….