I Think I Would Be Better Off…

I have freely admitted here that I suffer bouts of depression, especially in the winter months. I just can’t seem to shake that to any significant level anymore. It is just a part of me now.  I was a “thoughtful” kid who dreamed a lot but it was not until I went deaf almost 30 years ago now that depression on any level creeped in

Not being able to hear is depressing on a  constant level but I have managed to deal with that for the most part. It was a good number of years ago that I discovered that my mind just won’t register the sound of musical instruments anymore. The first time I realized that was kind of shocking!  I loved my music in the early years. During college I almost constantly played 33 rpm records on my home built stereo (I couldn’t afford to buy a unit off the shelf). Music just seemed to calm me down and got me through all the studying I did in the late night hours.

IMG_2882.jpgA while ago I just happened to turn on the local PBS channel and came across a bluegrass fest as shown to the right. I marveled at the dexterity of the pickers on the stage even though I couldn’t realize the sounds they were making. It hit me very suddenly that maybe part of my depression is because I am not soothed by music any more. I think the saying that “music calms the savage beast” is very true, especially for me.

Maybe if I could hear I could turn on some music of Dylan, or Simon & Garfunkel, maybe a little Peter, Paul, and Mary, to get me out of my moods I find myself in. Maybe a little modern day bluegrass would sooth me?  Maybe I could be calmed?  I think I would be better off it I could escape into my music once in a while. Maybe my periods of depression wouldn’t be so often or so severe?

I do miss my music, sometimes that fact hits me like a rock as it just did….

 

2 thoughts on “I Think I Would Be Better Off…

  • I don’t have any words of wisdom for you today, R.J. You got a bum deal and I’m sorry for that. They say that life would be boring and meaningless without adversity and that hardships give us insights we wouldn’t have without them…makes us stronger. That’s probably a bunch of hooey…no one really wants hardship. Spring will help you pull out of the dark cloud you’re under if you can hang on till then. Remember, your friends out here in cyberspace never notice that you’re deaf and we know you only by what you think and write….the best parts of you.
    Meanwhile, all the good chocolate candy will be on sale tomorrow….some indulgence might be in order 🙂

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  • Thanks for the soothing words Jane. Yes, I certainly cherish all my cyber-friends out there. It is nice to know that someone is interested enough to listen to my thoughts and some even try to comfort me. 🙂

    It is snowing like crazy here in Indiana right now so I put my camera back on the tripod to capture all the panic of the neighborhood birds at my feeder. It is quite a site. Even though I don’t like snow it is kind of pretty and I will even admit soothing this savage beast. I will post some pics soon.

    Chocolate?? Well Maybe…

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