I am once again trying to get you to understand my obsession with writing. Or maybe it is to help me understand myself, I don’t know. But, here goes.
I am such a writer. It’s not even funny. I’m rarely blocked. If anything, I have more material to write, than I have time to write. That’s been the prevailing theme of my life: So many words, so little time. And some of the words are actually pretty decent. I devote my waking hours to noticing things and thinking about them in ways that few other people do. When other people have read what I had to say, at times they’ve been amazed. If I felt more comfortable about it, I’d brag a bit on that point. But other people’s respectful notice of my ideas puts me off. I can’t help wondering, “Why is this so amazing to them? It’s just common sense?” And I can’t even begin to discuss it all, because I often come off as arrogant or stuck-up or condescending.
The words above were written by a person like me with significant Aspie traits. They so mirror my feelings as to be almost eerie. At the present time, I have 10 days worth of posts here on RJsCorner that are scheduled for publication and another forty-five drafts waiting to be fleshed out. There are also over a hundred titles in the trash that just didn’t pan out. My usual process is the take thoughts that cross my mind and write a quick title and a few words for future expansion and edification and then let my brain stew them over in the background. I don’t know how I can keep so many things tumbling in my mind at the same time? Sometimes I get several thoughts a day and a few days go by with nothing but I am rarely blocked.
Why am I obsessed with putting my thoughts on virtual paper? Do my Aspie traits have something to do with it? I imagine they do but I have never really delved into that possibility. It is just part of me now I when it gets down to it, it really doesn’t matter what the source.
For the most part, I have always been a writer. I would do book reports of all the books I read in my youth. No one saw those reports but me but I just felt I had to consolidate my thoughts after each book read. When I went to college to become an engineer, my writing quickly stopped. Except for technical type reports, written in the third person, engineers just don’t see the need for liberal arts stuff like composition or short stories. My obsession with writing should have been a clear signal that I was heading into the wrong profession but sadly I was just too unsure of myself in those years to give much validity to my personal thoughts.
I have kept journals throughout my life but it wasn’t until I retired from the corporate world that I took up sharing my thoughts with others. I had several different blogs starting around 2003. RJsCorner in its first iteration started in 2006 and the present version in 2010. A couple of the reasons I went public with my writing were to share my experiences and to let others know that whatever they are struggling through in life they are not alone. There are others who have been down the path they are taking who might be able to help them along their journey.
I jokingly say that I want to put all my life’s faults and mistakes out there for others to see so maybe they can learn from me and won’t have to repeat them. 🙂 In my final years, I have finally recognized and conceded that I am a “weird bird” who sees the world differently than most around me. Instead of hiding that fact, I finally take pride in being the person I am. And that is a good thing for each of us to realize. Just be the person you are…