All my life I just can’t seem to feel joy the way I want to. I have called my down times depression but I don’t think that is the real truth. Trying to zero down to the core reason for not being able to accomplish happiness is the topic of this second post.
To briefly summarize yesterday’s post I ended up thinking that I don’t really get depressed on even anxious to any serious level. I left that post thinking that maybe I just worry about too many things that I have no control over. In this post I need to dig deeper into my psyche to understand the possible root causes of my feelings. I seem to sitting on the psychiatrist chair and the patient couch at the same time. But, solving my dilemmas of life myself is what I do. 😎
Let’s look at the possibilities:
Maybe frustration defines my, well frustration, more than worry? But that doesn’t seem to adequately envelop the scope of my feelings. Am I upset because of my inability to change things? I am sure trying to change a few minds to what I see as the tragedies of life is one of the reasons why I am a blogger. I want to get others to question things that just don’t make any sense to me. I know my Aspie traits make everything personal to me, so I take all the slings and arrows slung on others as if they were all pointed at me. The continued inequality and injustice in the world is frustrating.
Yes, frustration is part of it but I don’t think it is the core. I know I can’t change the world, all I can really do is to change my world. So, no it is not depression, anxiety, or frustration.
Maybe it is disappointment? Yeah, maybe that is it. I have discovered gradually over the years I am a humanist. I believe in human potential. God didn’t make us evil, he made us with the capability of loving each other as brothers. Jesus emphatically told us as much. I am fundamentally disappointed that throughout our history we have been tragically unable to achieve even a small part of God’s plan for us. I believe in the goodness of man because that is how God made us.
It seems all my life I have been searching for the answer that Rodney King made famous asked after he was pulled from his truck and severely beaten by LAPD officers in 1991.
Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?
Why is world history filled with hate and wars. Why can’t we all just get along? The more I read of world history the more I see it driven almost exclusively by religion and conquest. Even the utopian communities that have sprung up, two were less than 100 miles from where I live, have never been able to live in harmony for more than a decade or so before division destroys their community. It just seems that I am disappointed in humanity’s inability to just get along.
Another aspect of life that I am very disappointed with is us Baby Boomers. We were the biggest generation of change in a century. So, why have so many of us turned into mindless robots who hang on every word by the current Oval Office occupant (#CO3)? What happened to so many of us? That is a total disappointment to me.
God gave us the simple rules for which we are supposed to live, and we have utterly disappointed him at every step of our existence. I haven’t even covered by disappointments in my personal life yet but
I’m finally convinced its disappointment that stifles my happiness.
Now what can I do about that?