Here I am yet again back under the tree of life, searching for a way forward. I am having problems finding a path into my artsy creativity. I don’t know how many attempts I have experimented with, but none seem to really reach down and grab my soul.
The latest attempt was centered around drawing, sketching, doodling, and general artsy activities. I have been actively trying out many modes of artsy for several months now but, for the most part, it has not been very satisfying. I seem to get hung up on the problems associated with my attempts, rather than the small successes I can manage to rack up.
I know I am likely giving up on these new ideas too early. The reason for that is that I simply don’t know how much time I have left. At this point in my life, I just want to do something for the pure joy of it, and not worry if it will result in pleasing others, or even myself for that matter. That is a lofty goal that may be unachievable for me.
Due to my Aspie traits, everything I attempt to focus on needs to be thoroughly studied first. That takes frustratingly longer than is really necessary for a neurotypical person. And then there is my getting bored with things when I do finally become somewhat accomplished with them. I don’t like being just mediocre as anything. That seems to be the case with my present area of search.
Right now, I have decided I need to push the pause button, and just continue down my current paths, instead of seeking new ones. I have been blogging here on RJsCorner for 15 years now, but my “view” numbers continue to decrease. I have gained a level of success but, at the same time, this site has been as much for my personal benefit, as for the recognition that I might obtain from it. “Having My Say” is very fulfilling to me.
I have enjoyed photography for most of my adult life and have accumulated thousands of pictures of my travels. Maybe I should just focus on these two things and, for the most part, disregard the rest. I have now learned enough about artsy, to dabble in it occasionally, but it doesn’t need to be any significant part of my life beyond that.
But, there is something deeper going on with the subject of “Why Am I Still Here?”. More on this after I have had some time to meditate on these things.
RJ's Corner 
Have you thought of trying fabric arts? Quilting? Crocheting? Knitting?
LikeLike
Thanks for the idea, Marquita. I think I came up with an idea that excites me. That’s what I was looking for. See this Saturday’s post for that.
LikeLike
I gave up pondering why I’m here a very long time ago. If there is a reason, which I very much doubt, I don’t think the discovery is worth the effort.
I am, Therefore I do. I just make sure the doing is something that feels right for me. It’s surprising how often the process of doing what feels right requires me to do right by others.
LikeLike
“I am, therefore I do” – very Shakespearean 🙃
Yeah, doing things that feel right to me is where my journey is taking me too. But, as you say, the end result is that it ultimately does right by others.
Thanks for giving me a philosophical twist to all this. It helps keep things in perspective.
LikeLiked by 1 person
To me it seems you are already very actively on your artsy path. You’re making and making and making and that’s what being an artist IS. I think you’re searching for something you already have. I do understand aspiring to something specific you’re looking for, but you seem very much like an artist to me. Keep on making and enjoy your artsy life. 😊
LikeLike