I know that I am not the only person in the U.S. who is deaf. In reality there are more than three million of us around. About two million of those are like me who went deaf as an adult. That means for Indiana, where I live, there are about forty thousand of us around. But since I am not active in any deaf clubs or organizations I seldom come across another deaf person in my daily life. When I do, I am most often too surprised to try to effectively communicate with them. So, to me being deaf almost means being alone in the world. I am constantly around only hearing people who, for the most part, just want to ignore me.
When I first realized that deafness was the reality for me I indeed felt alone in the world. My ear doctor of several years basically told me that there was nothing else he could do to save my hearing, so “please go away”. He did not offer any referrals to groups or such that could help me cope. I got the idea that he thought of me as one of his failures, and he wanted me out of his sight as quickly as possible. As I later learned from other late-deafened adults this was not an unusual scenario with a ENT doctor.
Up until that time I did not have any friends, family, or acquaintances who were hearing impaired. So, I like most other hearing people, didn’t realize that those who were deaf in later life were just like everyone else except they couldn’t hear. I had read stories about how deafness caused severe depression in some; even to the point of thinking of suicide! I very much dreaded the day that I would lose the last bit of hearing. I felt very much alone in the world. The only support I seemed to have was from my dear wife, and, of course, she knew no more than I did about what I was going to face.
Here it is 22 years later, and I did survive those years, and everything turned out for the most part fine. I did go through some periods of depression but managed to cope with them. I found support groups in the early years although I have not made contact with many of them for more than a decade. Yvonne and I learned the signed English version of sign language. Over the years I have accumulated all the various technologies that help me cope. Do I sometimes still feel alone in the world? You betcha. I often say that I feel the loneliest when I am in a room full of people.
1st Publish Date: October 2010
2025 Postscript: It seems I will never be without the anxiety associated with being deaf and living in the hearing world.. When my wife died 4 years ago, my deafness was again front and center in my life. It would be the first time I was alone and living daily with 200 people, and none of them knows sign language.
RJ's Corner - Having My Say 
Few blog posts I read are as brutally honest and direct as this one.
You describe a situation that would try the best of us. Even so, you remain both defiant and, at times, resigned to how the world reacts to your situation.
Without her hearing aids, my wife has to rely on lip-reading to fully understand me. She is not that far from being deaf.
Your post has made me think that I should learn some of the basics of signing, both for her, and a few friends who have lost a significant degree of hearing.
For that, I thank you.
Bob Lowry
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Thanks for the thoughts, Bob. Yvonne and I started learning Signed English before I went completely deaf. That made the eventual transition much easier.
This might sound silly, but I would recommend the book “Baby Sign Language Made Easy: 101 Signs to Start Communicating with Your Child Now”. It’s about a dollar on Kindle and $8 in paperback.
If you and your wife/friends outgrow that then you can move on to other sources. Maybe you can even entice some parents with young children to get the book too. I don’t have any facts to back this up, but I kinda think providing a child a method of communicating before speech, has a long-term benefit.
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Ignore if you’re not interested in unsolicited advice: IU has an ASL club. That might be a good place to find resources and have a social interactions. I also follow many people who have ASL or Deaf related content on Instagram as well. They’re one of the reasons I haven’t deleted it yet. You can’t find that level of Deaf content that isn’t entirely learning related anywhere on the internet as far as I know. @daytonwhitmanasl @kingron4| there’s also a person that sings lyrics in asl but i can’t recall their handle.
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Thanks for the info, Jen. As you may know, I went deaf at the age of 42 in 1988, so I was thoroughly entranced in the hearing world and have stayed there ever since.
My wife and I originally tried to learn ASL, but found it very difficult. As you probably know, ASL is more of a visual process that doesn’t rely on sentences with nouns, verbs and etc. When the instructor saw our problems she said we belonged in a signed English class instead of ASL. We found a Signed English (SE) class and lived happily ever after.
About 80% of the people who are deaf are late-deafened. I am one of them, and only 10% of us use any sign methods. Most of those who do sign use SE.
Sadly, there are some in the Deaf Culture community who don’t like us in their midst. They say that since we use SE we are polluting their culture. I ran into some of those in my earlier years and have been stale on it since.
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Dear RJ, Your blog popped up next to mine on WordPress. (Mine is Smart Hearing, at katherinebouton.me). A lot of what you wrote resonates with me, even though I’ve been involved with hearing-loss education and advocacy for 15 years. I’m the president of the New York City Chapter of the Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA-NYC). If you’d like to drop in on one of our chapter meetings, you might find them useful. We are open to all, on Zoom, and captioned. We meet the third Tuesday of the month at 6 pm Eastern time. You can check out our programs on our website hearinglossnyc.org. The meetings are listed under Programs. I also wrote a book about losing my hearing, Shouting Won’t Help. You would probably find that I had some experiences similar to yours.
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Thanks for the info. I will check it out.
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