Mom and Dad Are Getting a Divorce?????

The title to this post seems to be more frequent the last few years. When the kids are grown and out of the house (sometimes those are two totally separate events 🙂 ) then Mom and Dad make the announcement that they will no longer be living together. This often comes as a shock to the kids but maybe it shouldn’t. When Mom and Dad got married twenty-five or more years ago they were at one state of their lives. They had fallen in love and that alone is an overwhelming experience.

But as the years progressed Dad took an interest in certain things and Mom took an interest in certain things and they were just not the same things. In other words they grew apart. Maybe Mom turned into a resolute homebody who totally enjoys puttering around the house and her garden and plans to spend the rest of her life in that mode. But Dad moved in another direction. He is more into traveling and seeking new adventures and the “stay-at-home” life is unthinkable to him.  As Mom and Dad grew older they knew they are growing in different directions.

And then comes a life milestone to make them realize they have different priorities. For some that time might be as mentioned above when they become “empty nesters” but it also might happen when they retire. It may come when their parents die and they get a strong sense of their own mortality. But at some point Mom and Dad realize they are very different people than when they were newlywed. Put simply, they have different overriding priorities for the remainder of their time on this earth.

So the logical conclusion is to go their separate ways. Some do this and maintain a close friendship with their spouse; for some the separation is more stressful. Many can find some sort of compromise to avoid this state entirely but for some the wants/needs for the future years is just too different.  So, if your Mom and Dad want to get the family together for an announcement don’t be too surprised if the above is the topic of the conversation.

And the journey continues…..

4 thoughts on “Mom and Dad Are Getting a Divorce?????

  1. There is another alternative if Mom & Dad have grown in different directions: achieve a new balance. Part of the time each does his or her own thing. If that means vacationing separately, so be it. Part of the time each does something the other person likes. Part of the time the two do something they both like together.

    If the growing apart has ended feelings of love, then a split up may be the only alternative. But, there are ways to accommodate different interests and priorities well short of divorce.


  2. Thanks for the usual balancing comments Bob. Yeah, achieving a new balance in a long term marriage is the best way to go. But,sometimes that is difficult if one partner is not flexible enough to accommodate the changes needed. But it sure beats divorce.


  3. My husband’s mother once said that their fifty year marriage was great- even the five years they did not speak to each other! The number of 20-35 year marriages I have seen split lately has been more than amazing. We considered it around our 20th year- but a counselor said, “whose house will they come to for Christmas?” Stopped us in our tracks.
    We are not the perfect couple. We have learned to rotate around each other. I think, as we continue to grow old together, we will enjoy again the simple things that brought us together: good conversation, heated politics, family and just being friends.
    Great topic- one I don’t think many people talk about. Thanks for bringing it up!


  4. Janette, Thanks for the comment and your visit. Come back often and tell me what you think.

    Yeah, I think most long term marriages have at one time or another reached a point of possible separation. I know in the heat of the moment my wife and I have talked about the “D” thing often but after the heat is down calmer minds prevail. We realize that we have too much invested in each other to go our separate ways 🙂

    I like you am amazed at the number of divorces that have come recently from people who have been married for several decades. I think, as I mentioned in the post, that occurs when people come face to face with their own mortality and the unfinished list of their life’s To Do’s seems too long for anything but a quick change.


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