Like all of you, I have some regrets in the way I have chosen to live my life. That is what this post is all about.
Sometimes I feel like a little kid on top a balloon looking over my life. I find myself looking back to celebrate my successes. I also look back to things that I regretted. It’s good for all of us to periodically evaluate where we are at this particular stage of our life. It keeps us moving forward instead of being stuck in place.
I have been doing a lot of looking back lately and the things I most regret are not the things I have done but the things I haven’t. I look at various points in my life and see if I had made a different choice things might have turned out quite differently.
Some of those lost opportunities were very likely due to my Aspie traits holding me back. Maybe if I had realized that I see things quite differently from those around me, I maybe would have made some different, maybe better choices. But of course when I was growing up in the 1950s and later Aspergers was not on anyone’s radar. It was not even given a name until I was in my 40s and even then it took another 20 years to be recognized by the medical community. Since it has been recognized 99% of the efforts to understand and ameliorate it is targeted towards young children. Even now adult Aspergers is a pretty much unstudied field.
One of my first adult regrets is that I never told Ginny how I really felt about her. She was perhaps my first love, if I even know what love truly is. All I know is that when I was around her on a one-on-one basis my mind would lock up. She must have thought I was an idiot. I did manage to take her on a “sort of” date, but as usual I totally botched it and just never had the courage to try again. Ginny might have been my first serious regret, but she certainly wasn’t my last.
As part of my upcoming blog entitled My View Of The World I am putting together a series of short stories including the regrets of my life. I will save my many other regrets for that new venue.
I know we can’t undo past decisions and actions, but maybe by telling my stories to others might help them learn from my mistakes.