In the last few weeks before her death in hospice, my wife and I managed to have a serious conversation about coping with life, particularly mine after she is gone. It was fortunate that the conversation happened when it did as she soon thereafter she sank into a malaise and was unable to communicate via signing or anything else.
I had several Aspie meltdowns in the previous weeks to this conversation, and I’m sure Yvonne saw many of them, so she knew I was struggling. She had spent the last 33 years helping me cope in the hearing world. She was there for me whenever I needed to deal with hearing people, and that included frequent telephone calls to businesses that, for the most part, are not very accommodating to those of us with hearing loss. When I told her I just don’t know if I can cope in the hearing world without her, she gave me two critical pieces of advice:
I seem to constantly get upset about things that I can’t do anything about. Politics is the main antagonizer in this area, but there are many others. I just have to learn to either ignore those things or quickly brush them off. Another solution was just to boycott the irritating subjects; that is what I am doing with politics.
Plainly speaking, patience has never been a strong suit for me. Amazon, with its one or two-day delivery, has caused this to go uber with almost every other business I deal with. Of course, I am also impatient with myself, thinking I have to get everything done now. No eating, no sleeping until it is done. That’s part of my Aspie traits that I may not be able to conquer!
Finally, the big secret —
She revealed a secret that she held for years about our interactions. It gave her advantage in our life’s negotiations, but also gave her understanding as to why I was saying the things I did. She told me that I often unknowingly reveal what I am thinking! It seems that when I think I am just thinking about something, the words come out of my mouth directly from my brain without me realizing it! All this time I was unaware of this. She kept it as her added insight into my psyche.
She told me, that whenever I am talking to other people to literally “keep my mouth shut”. When I do that, the thoughts remain in my mind and can’t escape. Even with that knowledge, I still have trouble remembering to keep my mouth shut. When I am alone, I often catch myself moving my lips with my thoughts. I can see where others really see me as “unusual” when I do this in their presence.
I Gotta Remember To Keep My Mouth Shut.
Thank you, dear for finally telling me that.🥸