Today is the first anniversary of my wife’s death. I still think of her everyday, but maybe a little less often now. Just before we got married, she asked me if we were making the right decision? I told her “only time would tell”. Well, we lasted for 34 years, I guess I can say it was a good decision. When I went deaf two years into our marriage, Yvonne was there for me. I am afraid to even imagine what would have happened if she was not there. She supported me in ways I am only just beginning to fully fathom.
She was seven years older than me, and according to the statistics women generally live to be seven years older than men when they die. Being an engineer the math added up as perfect.
I always thought we would be alone together in our old age. I thought it would work out that neither of us have to be alone alone.
In this past year, I have been trying to decide where I will live going forward. I have learned that where you live is secondary to who you are living with. In my case, I am alone now. No wife, no pets, just me. That is a pretty depressing thought, especially on this particular day. I’m pretty sure my circumstance will not change from what they are now, so I have to learn to live with them. Being a deaf Aspie, I have had two strikes against me for decades now, I hope this forced aloneness is not the third one. I have to do everything necessary to ensure that it isn’t. This might just be my biggest battle yet.
I miss her terribly, but life must go on,
“Life is there for the living, don’t waste a minute of it”
RJ's Corner 
This series of posts is a reminder that the circumstances of our life are never guaranteed for more than one moment. To say what we feel, to do what we should, and to thank the powers that be for every minute of happiness we have been able to experience is our wisest path forward.
Embrace your memories and know you have been loved…what else could we wish for.
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Thanks, Bob. You are always there to uplift my spirits when I am down. That is certainly a gift you have, and I am grateful for it.
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I’m late stopping by tonight to acknowledge the import of this day on your life and the grief it might bring. Yes, I would say 34 years is solid proof that your marriage worked out okay. I’m in a long marriage, and I know that “worked out” is a key phrase. We grow and change at uneven paces in different directions than our spouses during a long marriage, don’t we? We have to find ways to accommodate those changes, and it’s not always fun in the moment. You and Yvonne did that. It’s quite an accomplishment.
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Thanks again, for the wisdom, Linda. Yeah, my wife and I started out pretty far apart on many things, and grew even further apart as our marriage aged. But, we still stayed connected on other levels. In the last ten years that I have been primarily in the “caretaker” mode, it was hard for me and our relationship was tested, but I kept my promise that she would never move from our rural homestead of 21 years. Soon after she passed I sold the 100-year-old house and moved into a retirement home. In some ways, I kinda wish I hadn’t…
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