For the vast majority of my existence, I have always believed that my commitments have dictated that I live on other people’s terms. In the last year or so, I have reached that point where I can live as I choose without considering others.
In some ways being able to live on your own terms is scary…. I just don’t seem to know how to do that yet! It was always easy to put on others for how I lived my life, but now I have no one to blame except myself if it isn’t as I want it to be. That kinda shocks me.
I have the resources, and I think the health, to do just about anything I want, but I seem to be like the deer caught in the headlights in coming to any serious decisions. It’s not that I don’t generally enjoy my life, it is just that I am the type of person who is always looking to make things better.
My 9,000 miles of vacation traveling and the dozen RetComs (retirement communities) I visited was enlightening. I discovered that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. The South is just too hot and hazardous, and the Northeast is too expensive and too populated. It just seems like the Midwest in the 21st century will be the place to be. Yeah, we have our tornados in the Spring, but they are not as destructive as the October hurricanes, or water shortages, or forest fires of much of the rest of the country. Now that I am forsaking things political, the Midwest is the place I choose to spend my final years.
I also discovered that for the most part RetComs are mostly the same across the U.S. The ones that aren’t are just too expensive for my wallet. I have let the dining situation here at my RetCom get me down. I am just tired of all the excuses for not opening up the dining room for a more pleasant experience, and to accommodate my personal needs. I have to get past that feeling and move on. I kinda think it is time to go back into the mode of doing what I can to make things better where I am, instead of looking elsewhere. More on that tomorrow.
The other personal epiphany is that I HAVE to have projects in my life. That is likely what has been depressing me lately. I need something that makes my life feel more valuable. Just living day-to-day with no specific goals simply depresses me to the point of wondering if life is worth really worth living.
I am working hard to solve these problems, and get back on track to a happier life. That is totally up to me to make happen. I can’t blame my life on anybody else now. That is scary and at the same time exciting.