When I was growing up after being abandoned by a narcissistic mother and left with a father with low self-esteem, there was no one to give me the “Rah-Rah” speeches of youth including “being anything I wanted to be”. It was up to me alone to discover that, and looking back I initially did a pretty lousy job of it, but I did get better with time. Maybe that was a good thing. Let me explain.
The foundation of my life even in the early years was to question everything and to think for myself. Due to early childhood experiences I simply did not take what people said to me as truth until I had thoroughly thought it through.
The “Rah-Rah” life-advise list today has not changed much from my early days. They go something like this:
- You can be anything you want to be
- Follow your passion
- Make a plan and stick to it
The problems with these words is that there are a lot of caveats associated with them.
You can’t be anything you want to be – If that were true all of us boys would be firemen, super star athletes. You can’t be anything. But you can become terrifyingly good at a few things The real advice with this one is to find something at the intersection of your strengths and the world’s needs. It’s all about supply and demand. Of course, if you are born to a very rich family, you can disregard all of the above. You are part of the “privileged”, you don’t have to worry about these things
Stop waiting for passion to hit you – You can care about what you love, but stop waiting for passion to magically appear before you start. Another thing is that you will be passionate about many different things during your life. Personally I have found that passion, once it is thoroughly explored often became boring. It was then time to move on to a new passion. Passions just aren’t static things. They are constantly moving targets.
Make a plan and stick to it – The term “You plan, God laughs” is whether you like it or not, reality. Your life, even in your 80s will zigzag, so be prepared for when things turn out differently than you planned. When you find out your “plan” didn’t go as expected, don’t hesitate to move to plan B. A fact of life is that you are constantly getting hit by stuff you didn’t predict so get used to it.
One of my favorite sayings is
Chaos – Good News
Sometimes it takes an almost panic mode to get you to change what your life focus is about. When your life is chaotic, that is certainly one of those times.
Another thing about trying to set your life goal at an early age is that you really don’t yet have the required experience to make wise decisions. Life simply isn’t a static thing where past decisions are always valid. I can attest that what I wanted to be in my formative years was nothing like what I wanted in my middle or later years. It wasn’t until my 20th year in the corporate world that I discovered my strongest passion. It’s never too late to discover what you will be when you grow up (whenever that is).
RJ's Corner - Having My Say 