I recently read an article that explains a final piece of the puzzle as to why I am the person I am. That is because of a lifetime lack of support. I didn’t have anyone telling me that I can do great things, or even that I was a creative person, I had to discover those things on my own.

There is a story here that needs telling…

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My mother, who was an extreme narcissist never taught me anything that was worth knowing. She was totally consumed with herself and NOTHING else mattered. I discovered how much I didn’t matter to her when she suddenly disappeared one day in my ninth year.

My father was on the other side of the spectrum. He had things he could have taught me but he didn’t think anything he did was of any value to anyone.

I went through high school without any guidance due to the fact that I attended a small rural Indiana high school. My “official” guidance counselor was the ag teacher and about the only thing he could do was to tell me I should be a farmer! I knew from the get go that that was not my dreams. I ended up choosing Electrical Engineering as that is what dad dreamed of being. He took a month of correspondence school in engineering but that was it. So, maybe indirectly I became an engineer to sort of fulfill his dreams.

When I graduated in 1970 I went full force in studying psychology. I probably read a hundred books on the topic. I was sure they would help me figure out who I really was. They helped me in some areas, but not at the level I was seeking. It would finally be in the middle of my retirement years that I discovered my true self.

I could probably fill a book with the revelations I have discovered since that epiphany, but I think it comes down to the fact that I made choices without guidance. I frequently failed but at least I kept going. I faced the doubt and found a way through it. That journey made me a much stronger person than I realized when I was struggling through it. It created a strong inner foundation that no one else could have given me What remains after everything else is gone is your true self. Realizing that is where real growth begins.