Wedded Bliss??

I am going to get a little personal and a lot philosophical with this post . It is about the state of marriage and my personal experiences with it. First of all I was forty years old when I got married for the first and only time. During those years, I thought I was destined to be a “single” guy all my life. My Aspie traits were just not conducive to the dating scene, so about this time I was pretty much done with dating. Too many first or second dates only. There was just too much frustration involved in the whole process.

I was a on-again/off-again Catholic during those years, who remembered the words of St. Paul about marriage. He basically said “get married if you must, but it is better to remain single.” It had something about a wife taking time away from praising the Lord. I took those words on faith and convinced myself I was better off without a spouse.

I also read the statistics that almost a third of marriages are broken within five years. My two brothers had already been married twice, so I joked that my family had used up all the allowed marriages.

But as often happens, just when I resolved to never marry it hit me in the face. My future wife asked me out on a date to a 1985 company Christmas party and we were married the following April. That four month stretch was very surreal. It was as if someone else was occupying my body.

Skipping forward thirty-three years, I ask myself if I would do the same thing?

But before I give you my answer to that I want to tell you that my Aspie traits demand that I be brutally honest and that fact seem to be taking charge of me in these senior years. Brutal honesty has gotten me in trouble more times than I can remember. So, my honest answer to the above question is:

I don’t know

One of the difficulties with marriage that last for a long term is that the two people often grow apart in significantly ways. In some ways that makes marriage feel like a stifling thing, especially in our retirement years.

  • One person loves to travel and the other hates it.
  • One person loves philosophical discussions and the other thinks all that is baloney.
  • One person loves change and the other embraces stasis.
  • Even many of the once common interests gradually disappear.

How do you maintain a joyful life given those differences? Yes, we had a lot of pleasant shared experiences, but does that tilt the scale?

But then I also look back and wonder if I would have survived this long without someone to help me cope with the difficulties in life. If I had gone deaf alone would I have fallen deeply into depression and maybe suffered the consequences of that dreadful condition. I think the reasons for this post is because of a recent suicide of a nephew in his early forties. He seemed to constantly be trying to find himself and just couldn’t accomplish that. Would that have been me thirty years ago? I really don’t know.

Of course there have been many good times in these thirty-three years. Sometimes it is too easy to forget that when difficulties or differences arise. I know that the divorce rate among seniors is the highest of most any other age group. I kinda think it is mainly because of the two people growing apart.

It’s Time For A Divorce Between Red America & Blue America..

crayon-banner  This is a continuation of yesterday’s post about a divorce between Red America and Blue America. This time I will start putting forward my rather warped view of how that might happen.  If you missed yesterday’s post that started this discussion I would recommend that you click the “Home” button at the top of this page and see the post from yesterday directly below this one. Now on to the matter at hand.

Our flag is just too tattered to even recognize it any more. It might be time to go our separate ways but how do we divide up what we currently have? The divide between Red America and Blue America has always been there but it has become a deep abyss in the last almost forty years.  I could start this divorce with in November 2016 but that would not really represent anywhere close to reality. That year was the result of laziness of Blue America to put their voices forward. It allowed Red State America to push forward their extreme candidate.

Now I realize that no State except maybe for Texas (those people are beyond description) is all Red or Blue so there will have to be some migration as a result of this divorce.  You could say we all will be the children of divorce.  Since it doesn’t seem possible to move between our Red and Blue parents we gotta find another way.  For a solution you gotta start somewhere and I propose to do that with the 2012 electoral map.

Looking at the map some things pop up. The northeast and west seem pretty blue so that is probably the core for Blue America. But in order to make a country viable it needs to be connected. To do that means that Indiana, Montana, North Dakota and Arizona will have to give up some land. The question is how much?  Part of the answer is apportioning by population and that is where the next map comes in.  It l

2017-10-01_11-46-58

ooks strange because the map is proportioned by population of each State.

Looking at this population map there just aren’t many people in North Dakota or Montana.  Maybe we could give all those folks who don’t want to be part of Blue America a million bucks each to migrate south and just move those States from Red to Blue? Since the northern part of Indiana is pretty much blue I think we could work out a 30-70 split without a lot of work. I don’t mean to totally ignore the fact that Idaho is in play with a small strip but since no one likely lives in that sliver of Idaho no one would even notice that it switched from red to blue.

2017-10-01_11-51-21Arizona and Utah need to turn blue too so let’s swap those two States for Florida. Population wise the trade would benefit the Red States  so they just might buy into it. Now with all this initial swapping done what would  Red America and Blue America look like? I will hold off on showing you that until the next post in this series early next week.

If you want to chime in on all this silliness put in your two cents now or forever hold your peace. 🙂 I never said that my view of the world was a totally sane one.

 

 

 

 

 

I Think It’s Time For A Divorce..

canstockphoto2610264.jpgcrayon-banner  I imagine the title at got a few of you to click it.  No, although I have sometimes thought about it, it is not about me divorcing my wife of 32 years. I kinda think it is time to start thinking about a divorce between Red and Blue America for irreconcilable differences. I am just not sure if we’ll ever listen to each other anymore let alone come to any agreement on compromise. Our flag is becoming too tattered to even recognize anymore. Its time for a change.

It’s time to start getting ready to go our separate ways and that is what this series of posts is all about. Before I get to a how we do this let’s talk a little about how we got here:

Red America’s solution to everything seems to be to take us back to the States. We tried that solution over two hundred years ago. It was called “The Confederation of American States” where each state was actually almost a separate country with their own laws and regulations. The early founders discovered that type of rule totally unworkable. Red America’ mantra is survival of the fittest. They believe those who accumulate wealth have no more responsibility toward society than those who have nothing.  These  Red America beliefs are very foreign to those in Blue America.

Blue America desperately want healthcare for all, much the same as the rest of the 1st world countries. They think that government, yes even the federal government, is to do the people’s business.  It is to make sure that we all have the same opportunities in life. To do that educational opportunities must be available to all. They think that  we are all in this together and each shares responsibility for the other. Blue America is definitely a brother’s keeper place. The Blue America beliefs contain WAY too much empathy for Red America.

I think we can point to one particular point in history where the abyss between Red and Blue America started and that is in the early 1980s. It is when Ronald Reagan flatly said that government is not a solution to our problems but instead the main reason for them. That started the ultra conservative fringe in America and has increased dramatically since then. Now the abyss in almost bottomless. No one seems to be able to see across it anymore.

Flash forward to today where we have a president that no one could even imagine thirty years ago. He is the epitome of “self-centered”. Nothing matters to him if it doesn’t directly benefit him.  He viciously trashes anyone who dares to criticize anything he says or does.  It seems that RedAmerica loves this guy while Blue America despises him.

It’s time for a divorce due to irreconcilable differences.  Next time I will start giving you  my solution to a successful divorce between Red America and Blue America.

If you feel like getting into this swamp water, post a comment…