Often times in my life I feel like I am going in circles. The same things seems to always crop up to mess things up. I didn’t get married until I was forty so I had my share of dates. But on second thought I really didn’t. I knew I was not very good at it so I didn’t even attempt that often. Except for a very few occasions I just never could get past the second date. With those kinds of experiences in life I knew I was different from many around me.
I would also later learn that I was just not very good at first thoughts and casual conversations. What came out of my mouth was often alarmingly blunt to many around me. There were some that were brave enough to tell me so. I didn’t have a clue until that happened. I said what I thought and I imagined everyone did that!
It may sound like I have the wrong title for this post but stay with me as I am coming to that point. Many times after failed dates I would lie in bed going over our conversations in my head. I would often come to the conclusion that if I would have said this or that differently things might have gone better. I would lie awake and keep trying to find that one sentence that, if I would have said it better, things might have worked out.
It just didn’t dawn on me at that age that I was not much of a extemporaneous speaker or conversationalist but I did know that I was a pretty good writer. I always got an “A” in all my composition type classes in high school and college. What was the difference? Of course it was that writing is by nature a recursive task. Few writers can ever get it right the first time. We constantly rewrite. Writing is recursive, at least good writing is recursive. I would finally discover that my sometimes strange characteristics were made for writing.
My Aspie characteristics make me a pretty poor speaker but a good writer and in the end I don’t mind that at all…