I make it no secret here at RJsCorner that I have significant Aspie traits. But, until recently I proclaimed that I don’t have Aspie meltdowns. I think I got that wrong. That is what this post is all about.
Let’s start out with my personal event that made me wonder whether I have anxiety meltdowns. But, before I get into the actual story I guess I need to give you some background. 🧐
Given my wife’s fragile condition I am convinced that if she gets Covid-19 she will most likely be one of the casualties. For that reason, I am very determined to prevent that from happening. About the only place I have gotten out to in the past six weeks is the local grocery store. I get up at 5:00 am and go to the store by six. Fortunately, I have a package of N95 masks that I wear for that weekly event. Now, finally on to the event
It was 6:00am when I entered the parking lot of our small-town local grocery store. But, since it is the only grocery in town there were about a half dozen cars already in the parking. I convinced myself that I could navigate the aisles without a close encounter, so I headed in the door. As I approached the produce section there were two people restocking the shelves and had no masks on. When I mentioned that fact to them one immediately reached into her pocket, the other said some words that I couldn’t hear. I told him more emphatically that there was no excuse for not wearing a mask when you are in the customer area.
I tried to calm down enough to explain that the mask was not really for his sake but for his customers, much the same as a surgeon’s mask is to protect the patient from the doctor. He also finally reached into his pocket for his mask. The second aisle I went to I encounter another employee with a mask. The fifth aisle of the eight aisle store a vendor was stocking the shelves and as usual, no mask. I avoided him by reverse tracking and going down the aisle from the other direction. As I was doing that another unmasked employee came out of the backroom pulling a skid of canned good. He temporarily stopped and sneezed into his hand and then proceed to the shelves. That was finally enough for me.
I want to make it clear that not all the employees were without masks. The ladies at the checkout counter and behind the deli were properly masked and gloved. As I was getting ready to leave I stopped and told the clerks that I just don’t feel safe in the store, so I will be going to a larger city 20 miles away from now on. I just lost it and said again and again “I don’t feel safe here”.
After this event could see that I have had meltdowns in the past but just didn’t recognize them as such. Now I question whether these meltdowns are due to anxiety, which is typically the case for Aspies or from depression as I have always claimed? That is what Wednesday’s post will be about.