About Loneliness

Loneliness is something I feel I am an authority on, at least as a layman. There are several reasons for that, some of which I will get into later. The topic of loneliness was brought to my attention again by the CBS Sunday Morning show I just watched. It said that almost half of us feel lonely much of the time, and as the quote below shows the more you are attached to social media the more likely you are to be lonely.

So, why would someone with 3,000 Facebook friends feel lonely? “One is this idea of social comparison,” said Dr. Primack. “People are able to take 300, 400 pictures of themselves and post that one that makes them look like they are that much more thin or that much more attractive or that much more successful. The impression from the outside can easily be on social media, ‘Wow, I can’t measure up with my very normal life.’

Source: CBS Sunday Morning

I have had that feeling about Facebook too. So many pages lead you to believe that you are the only one without an exciting life. I.E. you are the only one who is lonely. It is ironic that something tagged as “social media” is perhaps a primary cause for loneliness, especially among teenagers! They are one of the primary groups to have epidemic loneliness.

I have always been a loner, I was forty before I actually had my first serious relationship. I always used to say “Loneliness is being alone and not wanting to be.” I think that was a rationalization that helped me cope with the fact that I just couldn’t seem to seriously connect with those around me I’m still not very good at that, but at least, through life’s experiences, I have taken the edge off of it.

Of course, another source of my loneliness is being deaf. I’m sure that is the primary source for my particular brand of loneliness. I always say that I am not particularly lonely when I am by myself; I am the loneliest when I am in a group of people. I see all the interactions going on around me but don’t have a clue as to how to join in.

The third reason for my particular brand of loneliness is my wife. She is pretty much a recluse. She gets her joy from her daily activities and they don’t really include anyone but her. I love her and understand that is the way she is, particularly now that she is approaching eighty years.

So, with these three strikes, loneliness is a guaranteed part of my life. I think that is one of the reasons why I blog every day. I want the connection however trivial it might be. I cope pretty well with my loneliness but it looks like many, particularly those who are in earlier stages of life, aren’t doing as well.

Finishing off this post, I want to go back to the Sunday Morning show. We in the US are not the only ones who are lonely but we are likely the leader of the herd. Britain has deemed loneliness serious enough to warrant a Minister of Loneliness, whose job it is to find ways to combat it in their citizens. I don’t know about loneliness but I think we could do some really quick improvements in our country’s severe depression with a quick change in the Oval Office. It would help me beyond words.

A New Low… And What To Do About It.

This is the day of the year that we are supposed to reflect on the year just past and look to what we want to accomplish in the new year starting tomorrow. That is what this post is all about.

It seems that every day that passes now results in the Oval Office integrity sinking into the gutter further and further. Someone has actually taken the time to document that its current occupant has lied over 15,000 times in the last two years. I don’t think I can be exposed to his dishonesty much longer. As my fellow blogger John Pavlovitz said

2018 has been a long decade!

Maybe it is time to just ignore everything that is happening in politics and particularly inside the beltway? I am 72+ years old and if my genes prove true I have about five more years on this earth. Do I spent much of that time lamenting the ugliness of our times or do I fold into myself in a more reflective mode and just appreciate every day I have left?

Plainly speaking “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!”

I know I said I was going to stay optimistic in spite of these times but the fatigue factor is just too great. Things need to change for me. That is what I have been contemplating these last few days of 2018.

On another note, I have spent probably hundreds of hours on my photo portfolios putting them online only to see less than one view per day. I have come to the realization that no one is really interested in old people’s pictures or the stories around them. Do I shut that down and try to find something more satisfying to pass the hours previously dedicated to them? That is what I am studying on.

I know much of this talk here is due to depression creeping into my life once again. That seems to naturally happen in the winter months but it is more severe now than usual. I don’t want RJsCorner to become all about gloom. These are the questions I will be trying to answer for myself in the days ahead. If you have any suggestions I would be happy to hear them.

The Cutting Room Floor

“You are not alone” is one of my Ten Pillars of life. The thought is that no matter what adversities you face, there is always someone who has had them before you and they can help you learn how to cope.

Asking for help is a hard thing to do for many of us. We just don’t want to admit to ourselves that we sometimes struggle through life, let alone broadcast that fact to the world! It takes a brave person to do that. One of those brave people is Michelle over at the Green Study. She recently came out with a heartwrenching post where she told the world about her problems with depression and the history of psychiatric problems in her family.

Here are some of her words in relation to the recent celebrity suicides:

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I constantly struggle with my deafness, my Aspie characteristics and sometimes depression. I thank the Lord that I am not overwhelmed by these things as many are. I feel an inordinate need to show the world that they are not alone. Someone else struggles as you do.  Just knowing that might help them pull back from the edge and seek help.

One of my hardest personal struggles was the period when I went deaf at the age of forty. I knew deafness was coming but I still was totally unprepared. When it did happen my ear doctor basically told me that he couldn’t help me anymore so just go away.  I felt abandoned! I went through months of depression until I finally discovered the organization called ALDA (Assoc. of Late Deafened Adults).  They helped me realize I was not alone.

Thanks, Michelle for letting others know that they are not alone with their problems…

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A Nice Change…

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Since this is my “aging week” here on RJsCorner, I will flat out tell you that I am thoroughly enjoying my “golden years” and yes they are proving to be golden.  All my life I have fretted about the future.

  • What will I be when I grow up?
  • Is there some other occupation that I was really built for?
  • Since I am a weird person, should I remain a bachelor?
  • Should I try to get another job or just retire?

So many questions about life when you are young. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of my time so far. Well, almost every minute. But I often suffered to one degree or another with depression.  I perceived myself as always dreaming of more but accepting less. Those worries and frets are finally behind me.  From here on out, all there is left to do is enjoy it and I am determined to enjoy each and every day as it comes.  One day at a time is my new motto in life.

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