I have never been a competitive person, except with myself. I don’t think there is an age that has gone by that didn’t have one group or person thinking that he is better than another. That feeling of superiority is just part of human nature. But, in my mind it is a more negative part than a positive one. We all learn about pissing-contests early on in life. In high school the jocks always put down the nerds. Of course, later in life the nerds almost always win that competition by excelling in something that generates actual income and notoriety.
The bullies are always on the lookout for those they feel superior to. They harass them to the point of shame only because they think it makes them look important. Little do they understand that most often they end up in pissing-contests with other inmates and that is about it.
Rivalries between schools are part of growing up. I can remember my first day of freshman orientation at Purdue University. We learned an alternate version of Indiana University’s fight song that was less than honorable. We were told they were our enemy. I knew that it was kind of an innocent thing, but… It seems that most sporting events are driven by the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. As Vince Lombardi put it “Winning isn’t everything, it is the only thing. That mentality seems to stay with some throughout their lives. That seems especially true for us Americans. When we get older it is about dogma of certainty that drives many. The other is professional sports. Both of those venues seem to entrap them in some kind of trance.
I don’t have a desire to feel superior to anyone but of course that feeling does arise from time to time. Especially when I encounter someone with a very lazy mind. But in that area I don’t dream of stomping them into the ground or utterly defeating them. Instead, I dream of somehow convincing them to think things through before ignorantly jumping in feet first into an issue. I dream that they will sometime in the future give me advice on how to see the world from their point of view.
The only exception to the above is how I drive myself to do better or be more knowledgeable. Even in my seventies I am still focused on learning more and questioning everything. Sometimes I think “what’s the point in doing this anymore?”but I snap out of that pretty quickly.
One of my obsessions now is to be a more artistic person. I realize that these types of accomplishments give me one reason to why I am still here. They also relieve the anxieties of life, the loneliness and emptiness that sometimes come with my deafness and Aspie traits. Yeah, I do envy those who have artistic skills I don’t but I have no desire to be competitive with them and by no means to treat them as some kind of opponent.
I’m just not a competitive person.