Eliminating possibilities is how decisions are often made. There is seldom a “sure thing” answer to any problem. What we, or at least I, have to do is to start by eliminating things until there is only one choice. That is what I am doing right now.
I spent 3+ weeks traveling around much of this country to try to decide where I want to live my remaining years. When I was in Santa Fe New Mexico about seven years ago I was convinced that area of the country was my choice. When I visited it this time, it was a distinctly different feeling. What I see now was dry arid conditions where everything was brown or a very muted green. And forest fires constantly on the horizon. Yes, there are specific sites there that appeal to me, but not enough to give up the things I love about where I am presently living. So, the South and Southwest have been eliminated for a possible future home.
When I held my wife’s hand at the time she died almost a year ago I decided to just stay at the retirement community where she spent her last ten hospice days. I vowed that I would stay for at least a year before deciding if someplace else might be more preferred. That one-year period is in its last month.
In thinking about it these last twelve months, I have come to realize that wherever I live it is not going to solve underlying difficulties. They will always be there. My Aspie traits have always made social situations difficult for me. Where I live is not going to change that. Being deaf is isolating, that has nothing to do with “where”. Taking the “where” out of the decision process just makes sense to me.
With that decision made, what are the other factors in deciding what to do?
- What makes me happy?
- What makes me feel fulfilled?
- What gives me purpose?
Does where, meaning what particular community, I live affect any of these things? I have to think about that some more and probably do a “pros vs cons” list to figure that out. I just can’t seem to work anything out without a list. 🥴
Any thoughts on this would be appreciated…
RJ's Corner 
You might ask yourself the following two questions: Who is my tribe? Where is my community? For example, you might research if there are any communities for the deaf, or communities for Aspies.
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Thanks for the thoughts, Rick. I haven’t visited these possibilities for a while, maybe it is time to do that. What I have found in the past is that most in the Aspie area are either focused on kids, or are therapists and such wanting to fix me. I don’t need fixing.
On the deaf issues, when I went deaf in 1988 I did find ALDA (Association of Late Deafened Adults). They showed me that I wasn’t alone in late deafness, and that helped tremendously. They are primarily a social/party group founded in Chicago. There are several deaf culture groups but since I chose to remain in the hearing world, I really don’t have much in common with them.
But it’s worth another look. Thanks for the idea.
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Deadlines can often create pressure and stress. This is not necessarily a lifetime decision. Its scope can be for another year or two, during which you continue a low stress evaluation of what you want and what’s going to work best/better for you. Your mantras of question everything and never stop learning apply to yourself as well as the world around you.
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Thanks for the thoughts, Mark. Instead of suffering with forced decisions, I primarily procrastinate and never really resolve many issues. My twelve-month decision is only about where I will reside, The other issues will be evaluated with an unscheduled unhurried agenda as you suggest.
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Thank you for your post. When choosing my future living arrangement, it is not necessary to be close where I currently reside. I think I will pick a place where I can get the best health service to take care of my health issues. And a place where is close to one of my relatives, my son’s, my sister’s, my niece…..Thanks.
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Ivy, you and I seem to have pretty much the same priorities. I live about a mile away from the most up-to-date hospital in the State. I have been there a few times for tests and am very happy with it.
I only have one surviving relative, and she is about 40 miles away and she will be administering the trust fund that my will dictates. I trust her with my life as she is also my healthcare representative, when I can’t make decisions for myself.
I am glad I want through this exercise as it has taught me what I deem important.
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I have been thinking about where to retire. My first thought was to sell my house and move to California, but that’s too expensive. Maybe long term vacations would make more sense for me.
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