I don’t know if this is a “man” thing or just unique to me, but I kinda think most of us have these thoughts at sometimes in our lives.
Proving Your Worth
All my life I have always been afraid that I wouldn’t amount to anything. I was constantly worried that I was just sucking air, and not giving anything back. Unfortunately, I inherited a low self-esteem from my father to start that off. For most of his life he moved from one minimum wage job to another. He just never thought he was of much worth. It would take me years before I was able to shed that kind of thinking. But, gradually I finally discovered that the things I was doing made a difference.
In the last ten years of my corporate life, I finally realized I had skills to make some real difference in this world and I got the pay raises to show for my accomplishments. And then I retired.
One of my biggest challenges was to find how to show my worth in my retired life. For the first six years after leaving the corporate world, I had a custom furniture making business that was somewhat successful. I had customers throughout the Midwest. But, then I had a heart “event” and additionally got tired of sucking sawdust. So, I called a halt to that venture, but it did prove my creative worth during those years.
I want from there to helping to feed the financially challenged in our area. I volunteered in a local soup kitchen for eleven years. I started out doing dishes and serving meals, and ended up cooking the meals a couple of days a week during the last several years. Those years were some of the most satisfying ones of my life. I definitely proved my worth during that time and met one of the best friends I have ever had.
Then came the ten years up to 2021 where I was in the care-taker mode. My wife was seven years older than I was and regrettably made some pretty serious health related mistakes in her life. During that time, I pretty much was in the homestead/wife care mode. I think I proved my worth during those years making my wife’s life as comfortable as I could.
Then she died in July 2021 and since that time I seem once again be concerned, or you could say depressed, about just “sucking air”. I just can’t seem to find how I can add worth to my existence now. I tried to help those with hearing loss in my retirement community, but they just didn’t seem to be interested in that.
I have yet to find that “the thing” that will prove my worth now. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about that? But, that idea just don’t satisfy me. I hope, now and in the future, RJsCorner will help some of you in your life journey. Maybe that’s how I justify my worth now?