Even though I am deaf, I am still folk music fanatic at least in my noisy brain that is. Far and away the most influential album of my life is the one above. I can’t tell you how many times I played that record before I want deaf. I still have a copy of the lyrics on the wall behind me. I bought the album while I was in college in the 1960’s. Two of my all-time favorite songs are on this album, I Am A Rock and The Sounds Of Silence. I would hate to try to proclaim which one is the best. One of my most memorable days was when I saw Simon & Garfunkel in concert at the Purdue Hall of Music Auditorium in 1968. I was in the fifth roll from the front!

My Aspie traits almost demanded that I was a rock from the get go. No one seemed to “get” me. When I first heard “I Am A Rock” I told myself, maybe I am not the only one who deals with these issues.

Now that the holiday season is upon us once again, I have to be aware of the effect they have on me. Last year’s season came not long after my wife’s death. I definitely struggled through that one. I hope and pray I can do better during this time around.

I love to hear all the stories about family getting together during the holidays, but that is just a dream world for me. I do have a niece 50 miles away, but we were never close because my younger brother divorced her mom soon after she was born. They have their own life and I can certainly understand why I am not included very much in it. My older brother died this year. It is not that we were close as physical distance made that difficult. So, long story short, here I am alone during these holidays. It used to be just my wife and I, but now it is just me.

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So, as the song goes,

I am once again approaching a deep and dark December. On this Thanksgiving Day, I am gazing from my small retirement community window to the assistive wing across and the delivery driveway below.

I am a rock I am an island

I have certainly built walls, and yes, they are mighty. I need those walls so that I can regularly escape a world where never felt I fit. Friendships were few and far between.

I am a rock I am an island

I certainly felt love, I doubted that would ever happen. It was not a conventional love as both of us had some serious idiosyncrasies, that often clashed. I don’t dread feeling love, but it certainly feels lonelier now that it is gone. The memory of love grows dimmer as each day passes.

I am a rock, I am an island

I have my blogs, and my daily writing to protect me. I spend most of my time in my room, safe within my womb. Practically, no one has actually touched me in longer than I care to remember.

I am a rock, I am an island

And a rock feels no pain, and an island doesn’t cry.

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Thank you, Simon and Garfunkel, for helping me with the words that express my life’s feelings so well. As long as I recognize these feeling, I can cope with them.

Now before you jump on to tell me to call the suicide help line, I want to share with you that just putting these words out, help me in some strange way to better cope with the holidays. And besides, there is probably no text option for the suicide line anyway. 🤪