I have been thinking about Autism lately, particularly my acceptance of that label. Plainly speaking, I just don’t usually see myself as autistic. Many of my best traits are described by the term Aspie, or Aspergers syndrome. I am proud of those things that gave me an advantage in my corporate career. But, since that career ended over 23 years ago, I think it’s time to put that aside, and maybe change my perspective.

Yes, my intense focus and my high intelligence are still valuable to me today, but the negative side of autism is coming out of the shadows to bite me. Since I am also deaf, and have been for 35 years, it’s hard to discern which causes more problems, autism or deafness. I think it is kinda 50/50.

I have been embarrassed by my lack of eye contact all my life. Why can’t I do it when everyone else seems to do it with ease?  I like change because being without it life is quite boring, but I nevertheless rely on never-ending lists, and arrangements for my daily life. Then comes the social interactions, I simply don’t have a clue on how to do that. For that reason, my dating life was for the most part a disaster. Making anything but casual friends has always been a handicap. These are the things that are affecting my life now.

Over my 77 years on this earth, I have learned how to mask these inadequacies to make social things at least tolerable. When almost a decade ago, when I discovered that I had significant Aspie traits, I as usual, read up on the topic. But, it seems the more I read, the more confusing it has become. Many people who, like me, who have Aspie traits tell me I should quit masking and just be who I am. But, who I am is a result of years of masking.

I didn’t choose to be autistic, but I think it is about time to fully recognize that I am.  Autism, like everything else in the world, is not a black/white thing. Instead, it is thousands of shades of gray. It is indeed a wide spectrum, so that personally owning the Autism label, I might actually be helping myself and educating others on this condition.

Looking back at the origins of RJsCorner twenty-five years ago, I posted for 3 years before I let any of my readers know I was deaf. I ran through most of the above arguments as a reason for not letting people know of the absence of sound in my life. Today, I don’t hesitate to tell people I am deaf, but now I can also proclaim that I have an app that can tell me what you say. I don’t have an app for my many social blunders, but that’s ok. Instead, I celebrate those who look past my social blunders and see the person who I really am. The same thing now goes with owning the Autism label.