Part 4 – The Narcissist Project: What Do They Fear

In this fourth post of the Narcissist Project I want to discuss what an NPD Narcissist fears the most and that is loss of favor or respect, they simply cannot accept that their views are not the absolutely right ones. Here is a little about that from one of my sources:

What do narcissists fear/ What hurts narcissists?

Narcissists can likely be expected to fear things that represent losing power, influence and favor, since those are the things they desperately feel they must have. However, the expression 2017-02-17_13-41-34.pngof narcissists’ emotions don’t often take the form of noticeable fear. Many narcissists appear to deny having fears. They will usually insist they’re not afraid in the least, and they appear to be covering up more vulnerable emotions such as fear and sadness with emotions that suggest more threatening or unfazed responses, such as anger, denial and indifference.

One exception to this pattern would be those narcissists who use pity to manipulate. Expressing fear and other vulnerable emotions can help a narcissist gain control over your behavior and get you to do what they want or stop questioning them/ asking for consideration. Narcissists know that when you feel sorry for them, they have a lot of power over you. It’s very common for a narcissist who is being held accountable for mistreating others to suddenly turn the tables and play the martyr, the victim, or the innocent

Keys, Drew (2012-04-21). Narcissists Exposed – 75 Things Narcissists Don’t Want You to Know (pp. 27-28). Light’s House Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Fear of losing control or even worse being rejected simply strikes panic in a narcissist. They will do almost anything to get it back. One of those methods is to declare “poor me, I am being treated unfairly”. They will use whatever tools they can to get back the power over others that they MUST have.

Strangely another of the characteristics of a narcissist is that they deny even having fear when in reality it is one of their strongest emotions. Fear is a weakness to them and they simply don’t have any weaknesses in their own minds.  Many times narcissists are made by the conditions of their childhood. If one of their parents was a narcissist it more likely that they will become narcissist.

The current Oval Office Occupant (CO3) father was a millionaire who like his son often gained his wealth at the expense of others. According to Wikipedia Fred Trump, the father was investigated by a U.S. Senate committee for wartime profiteering, and by the U.S. Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division for civil rights violations. It was said that several of Woody Guthrie’s songs about slum landlords was inspired the elder Trump.  Was he a narcissist? I don’t know..

On a side note, Narcissists are not stupid, they learn to manipulate others and get what they want by studying “normal” people and mimicking them. Of course, they will never reveal that they live in a place of fear because of all of the layers of defense mechanisms they have constructed around themselves. Anger is often times the manifestation of fear in a narcissist.

Being A Minority..

2016-11-28_09-44-02.pngI struggled to come up with a bio post for this week as I have spent most of my attention lately on trying to figure out how we got here and where we are going. But then that thought merged with my personal story to bring about this post of being a minority.  I do believe that one of the most significant reasons why Mr. Trump was elected was the Democrats fixation on minorities and the Republicans fear of them. These two conditions  drove many to vote for Mr. Trump.  But aren’t we all minorities in some regard or another? When I look at my life I find that I am a minority in many different areas:

I am a Progressive  living in Indiana — That and my college education makes me a minority in my home State.

I am just not a macho guy — I hate the very idea of macho. To me it is about putting down others and strutting around saying how great I am.  Having an extreme narcissist as a mother, I went in the opposite direction.  I seem to be a distinct minority in this regard.

I just don’t like sports — I have never been much of a sports guy either in participation or as a spectator.  I have not watched a sporting event in over two decades.   I am a definite minority in this respect.

I am Pro-life — That doesn’t sound like a minority until I add “in all regards”. That is I am against abortion, the death penalty, war, and guns. Yeah that makes me a minority.

I am deaf — I became deaf about thirty years ago and was pretty hearing impaired decades before that. I know that all of us who are deaf make up less than 1% of the population so that makes me a serious minority.

I am short — I am now 5′ 6″ in height and that definitely puts me well below the national average. I was once 4 inches taller, that is before osteoporosis and compression fractures in my back took over my life.

I am a free thinker — Questioning everything makes me a free thinker. It just seems that most today are too lazy to actually study a topic to determine whether they should be for or against it. They just latch on to  whatever their “gut feelings” might be on any particular topic or just jump on to what others tell them to think.  Being a free thinker makes me a minority.

I am an Aspie — I have had Asperger’s Syndrome all my life but just recently discovered it.  Even though the data for adults is pretty weak it seems that less then 1% of us have this condition.  It made growing up more difficult but I have learned to actually take advantage of this condition in some ways.

So here I am a minority in eight different areas of life. I know that the majority of those who recently voted for Mr. Trump have a serious fear of minorities but take it from a guy who is a one percent of the one percent minority,  you have nothing to fear from me… or almost anyone else for that matter. You just need to start looking at people with love instead of fear….

Part 4 – How Did We Get Here — It Was All About Impatience… And Money..

GetHere Banner  Watergate was the scandal of my generation and the phrase by “Deep Throat” to “follow the money” rings as true now as it did then. How could a person with such a flawed character become president.  The answer is to “follow the money”.

2016-11-28_14-55-22Yes there is definitely a racist part of the Trump base but they alone could never have elected our future president. The majority of the 20% of our population who put him in the office were people who felt they have been wronged by the world for the last twenty years or more. Some are the ones who once had lucrative factory jobs that have since been replaced by foreign labor or robots. Their primary goal was to change the status quo, or to “drain the swamp” as they put it. I definitely am aligned with that thought but I was not willing to use Mr. Trump as my change agent.  I was waiting around for a better possibility.
I am not really a patient person in almost any regard but I saw the current outsider as just too unstable to meet the task at hand. I was willing to patiently wait until someone else came upon the scene who was better suited to sit in the Oval Office.  Maybe that person was Bernie but since the Democratic establishment had already crowned Hillary as the heir apparent he was brushed aside. A Sanders vs Trump election certainly would have been an interesting one! Read more

Time Is Running Out…

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TL Banner   Time is running out for all of us. Everyday our life is getting closer to the end. For some of us our time left on this earth is very short and for others it is comparably longer. It is not the amount of time we have left that is important but what we do with it. We can lay back and worry about dying  and fear others who might take our life away from us or we can accept that our time is running out as inevitable and just live life the best we can. The choice is ours.

Too many of my conservative friends seem to be fixated on keeping terrorists out of the country. It is almost their top priority. But the measures they are willing to take to make  their fear go away totally overwhelm the benefits of the accomplishment. We are a country of immigrants. Very few of us have ancestors who were here in the beginning.

I personally love variety in life. I love beginning and endings, its the middle part I don’t particularly like. The middle part is the humdrum of life. To me it is the boring part. In my mind if you are not constantly changing then you are not growing.

I know my time on this earth is running out and that the bottom half of my personal hourglass is much fuller than the top. While I am overall at least pretty pleased on how I have used my time on earth, there is also much disappointment in how I wasted so much of it in worrying about the small stuff instead of living it to its fullest. To bad we are not born with the wisdom we often have towards the end…

All About Fear…

Fear, and particularly fear of death, is a somewhat useless emotion. As the quote below mentions death eventually takes 100% of us so you shouldn’t fixate on it and waste your life in the process. Yes, every minute you are alive there is a chance, no matter how minute, that a terrorist or just some mentally disturbed person might end your life. But there is also a chance which is probably greater that you will be struck by lightening.

The simple fact of being alive means a constant risk of death, steadily growing to 100 percent. At any moment a blood vessel might pop in your brain, or your heart might give out, or you could be hit by a car crossing the street, killing you instantly. You might be felled by a silent gas leak, or your own cells gone haywire, or simply falling down in the shower.

2016-09-24_10-50-35.pngIn order to live any sort of reasonable life, you cannot be constantly flipping out about the inevitability of onrushing death.You’ve got to summon up some combination of looking past it, and accepting danger without panic — what we might call courage. Some unusually idealistic people have even been known to argue that mortal danger is worth chancing to preserve a certain form of government, where innocent people, no matter their ethnic or religious background, can go about their business free from state oppression.

Trump’s willingness to indulge unconstitutional bigotry to deal with terrorism is not courage, and it’s not “tough.” It’s nothing more than a weak, frightened man indulging the worst human instincts by enacting a worthless and unfair charade on the backs of an unpopular minority.

Source: The cowardice of Trump

The words above are pointed toward Mr. Trump and his obsession with instilling fear in each of us.  I like the idea of courage being accepting the inevitability of death and then looking past it without panic. Of course Mr. Trump has a wide audience for his obsession with fear. Too many of us are just down right cowards when it come to fear. I remain hopeful that his base is a small minority of us citizens that that he will be thoroughly beaten in about a month. He spent the last eight years on his birther conspiracy, I’m sure he will find something similar to do in the next eight, that is if he isn’t killed by terrorists in the mean time.

My father was one of those people who just didn’t want to talk about death in any form. Even toward the end when it was clearly in sight he simply didn’t want to talk about it.  That is not one of the genes I inherited from him.  Fear just doesn’t have much of a priority in my life. I know I am going to die and if my genes hold out it will be in the next decade or so but that fact just doesn’t occupy my mind very often.

I try to live and appreciate each day as it comes, even if it might be my last…

Convention Report – A Wrap Up…

I am so relieved that the GOP conventions is finally over. Perhaps this will be their last one. Who knows?? As pointed by the quote below Mr. Trump sees a vastly different America than I do. But then again he probably sees EVERYTHING vastly different than I do.

Throughout this campaign, whenever he has talked about America, it’s only been to claim that the country is a bottomless pit of suffering and despair. The unemployment rate is over 40 percent! Crime is skyrocketing! Terrorists are everywhere! Illegal aliens are pouring over our borders like never before! We don’t make anything! We never win anymore! The whole world is laughing at us!…

And that’s what he served up Thursday night: a litany of horrors, painting a picture of the dark present which only he and he alone can deliver us from, all presented with over an hour of relentless, loud, sweaty shouting….

There were no interesting turns of phrase, no themes introduced and repeated, no rhythm, no emotional crescendo, and certainly nothing to suggest that its authors gave the barest thought to trying to persuade any voter who hasn’t already bought his “Trump That Bitch” t-shirt.

But it will be remembered nonetheless, for how well it captured Donald Trump’s personality and campaign. It was ugly and blunt and narcissistic and frightening, and if it had nothing but bad things to say about America? Well what could describe Donald Trump’s candidacy better than that?

Source: Donald Trump’s acceptance speech was both ghastly and absurd. How fitting.

The last four days have been very depressing, I can’t imagine what they would have been like if I hadn’t limited my exposure to a severe degree.  No, I don’t think we are on the verge of total destruction as he describes. Actually we are in infinitely better straits than we were eight years ago. No, not everything is perfect and some have been pretty much left behind in the prosperity but it is nothing that can’t be fixed without totally taking down the system.

At the end of these four days there is one thing that I gained and that is faith.

I have faith:

  • that the vast majority see Trump for what he is and will not buy into his false rants and accusations.
  • that all those he has been alienating  will turn up at the polls in November to officially register their dislike for him.
  • that we will not allow the hatred that permeate so many in that convention center  to result in us throwing away our underlying values and decency. Party over Principles is DEAD WRONG.
  • that most of us embrace our diversity as a nation as a good thing, not something to be shut down.
  • that we will overthrow the GOP propagated fear that surrounds us.

For these reasons I have vowed not to worry about the coming election. We will continue to live up to our dreams and principles despite a narcissist egomaniac who managed to hijack one of our political parties…. he will be gone soon enough…

Fear On Steroids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Thanks to Walt Handelsam for summing up the perspective of the convention currently taking place in Cleveland Ohio.

For the last couple of decades fear has always taken center stage in the GOP philosophy and it is certainly THE primary topic so far for this latest GOP convention. It doesn’t matter that viewing our times from an historical perspective show these times to be rather peaceful. Yes, there are the isolated events that a couple of decades ago would never have gotten national attention. 24/7 news is constantly searching out the “blood events” as they know that what sells soap for their advertisers.

We all understand the reality of our own eventual mortality, even if we try not to think about it too much. But if you tuned into the first night of the Republican National Convention on Monday evening, you were reassured that your demise is right around the corner. Your children, too, are probably going to be murdered some time soon, as is everyone else you love and the very country in which we live. Though the official theme of the evening was “Making America Safe Again,” it might better have been called “We’re All Gonna Die — Trump ’16!”…

But it seems that using calm and measured restraint while considering the state of the world is, well, for wimps. True strength is to be found in abject panic and fear-mongering, in the insistence that everything is spiraling out of control and the only thing that can save us is the wisdom and firm hand of a man who, when asked whom he consults for advice on foreign policy, says, “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things.” This man may not know what the nuclear triad is, but he did bring the world Trump Steaks. I feel safer already.

Source: The GOP’s unbridled convention fear-mongering

I am not trying to downplay the seriousness of today’s problems. I will admit that ISIS and those who are causing havoc in the name of ISIS is very troublesome on the world stage but in reality it dwarfs in relationship to the number killed each year by our obsession with guns.  ISIS certainly needs to be addressed strongly but it is really not much of a threat to our daily lives here in the U.S.  It seems in my lifetime we have been in a perpetual war with one ideology or another so nothing is new there.

I know it is a shallow thought but I want to cite FDR’s famous words “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”.  When he said those words we were in much more dire straits than we are now. The Republican party has latched onto fear as a way to prevent  the deterioration of their party. They think if they can convince enough people to be irrationally fearful they can maintain their stranglehold on power.  They are clinging to anything that will prevent their downfall, especially given their current choice for president.

I suspect that the remainder of this convention will also be about fear and exclusion. But since Donald Trump is an extreme narcissist much of it will also be about him I’m sure.  I wonder what the atmosphere will be like next week for the other party’s get together??

How To Exclude…

I guess Mr. Gingrich is still trying to be the VP choice for the egomaniac  candidate. His words below are a total affront to the basic meaning of America.  It is equivalent to the witch hunts or at least the McCarthy years and taunts me as the primary dark side of politics and religion.  But before I get to that lets look at Gingrich’s statement:

2016-07-15_08-01-35“Every person here who is of a Muslim background” should be tested to determine whether he or she believes in Shariah, a legal code based on the Quran and other Islamic scriptures.Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich introduces Donald Trump during a rally at the Sharonville Convention Center in Cincinnati, Ohio, on July 6. Getty Images

If they do, he said, they should be deported — even if they’re U.S. citizens. Gingrich added that anyone who simply visits any website “favoring ISIS or al Qaeda or other terrorist groups” should be guilty of a felony, “and they should go to jail.

“The Council on American-Islamic Relations condemned Gingrich’s call to “test” Muslims in the U.S. as well as the truck attack.

“When former House Speaker Newt Gingrich suggests that American Muslims be subjected to an Inquisition-style religious test and then expelled from their homes and nation, he plays into the hands of terror recruiters and betrays the American values he purports to uphold,” CAIR National Executive Director Nihad Awad said.

Source: Newt Gingrich Wants Tests for All U.S. Muslims After Nice Attack – NBC News

There are just too many politicians going as deep into the gutter of politics as possible today!  I wonder if Mr Gingrich would settle for making Muslims wear large cloth patches on their clothing so that everyone would know they are Muslims.  Maybe that is good enough for the “cafeteria Muslims”? What upsets me even more than his words is the lack of words against his thoughts by the rest of us.  This guy has gone completely off the rails so to speak!

Looking at this from a higher level brings out my disgust for the very concept of exclusion. It is happening far too often now in both politics and religion. America is the land of immigrants and Christianity is about inclusion. To turn both on their heads is shameful to say the least.

I know fear is a powerful emotion but it is just grabbing far to many of us in both realms. The current thoughts that drive exclusion are:

  • We need to only allow those who think, look, and behave like us in our midst….
  • Anyone who questions any of our personal principles must be avoided at all costs….
  • Our safety is much more important than our principles…

Too many in our religious circles have tunnel vision when it comes to what they they allow to challenge their fixed beliefs.  They want to exclude anyone who doesn’t tow the line.  They fear that if they allow differences of opinion that they will fall down a slippery slope into oblivian. Take out the word “religious” above and put in the the “political” and the same thing applies.

Jesus, if he was about nothing else, was about inclusion. The founding fathers of our nation were also about inclusion. To twist their words for a personal agenda is both dangerous to us as a society and deadly to our basic principles.

We Don’t Really Need Their Votes…

Its about time the the Democratic Party quit even trying to pander to the racist southern white vote. They are going to hate Democrats until the day they die. It was heartening to see that the latest Democratic Party platform has nothing in it for them

Perhaps this new confidence comes from Democrats’ understanding that they have majority support in the country, and simultaneously realizing that there’s little they can do to win over the voters who despise them, particularly in the South. After years of approaching conservative white voters on their knees — Watch, I’ll go hunting! I’ll go to a NASCAR rally! Will that make you happy? — Democrats have decided that they don’t really need those voters, and they’d do better to serve the people who might actually vote for them….

At this point it’s hard to imagine how the GOP could get any more conservative unless it started advocating burning witches at the stake. Republicans’ growing ideological extremism may have freed Democrats up to be themselves without worrying about whether they might alienate some white guy from Alabama whose vote they were never going to win anyway. And the spreading understanding of the Democrats’ demographic advantage — where they have strong support among most of the groups whose proportion of the population is growing — serves to make them even more bold.

Source: How the Democratic Party quit being wimpy

Maybe Donald Trump will end up being a good thing for this country. It shows us that a significant portion of our population are out of the mainstream of 21st century American life so extremely that they should be ignored and eventually they will go away simply by attrition. The racist southern white vote still makes up a large percentage of the Republican party but most are greying and will soon leave the scene.

Given how easy it was for Trump to capture the Republican nomination for president I too find it hard to imagine the GOP could get any more conservative.  Their numbers are shrinking but not fast enough for me. I wish the moderates of that party, of which I was once one, would take back control but I wouldn’t mourn the collapse of the party to be replaced by something more willing to live in the future instead of an imagined past.

I have been finding more and more articles about young people who are embracing the challenges of today. They are prepared to take on significant debt in order to get an education that will provide them with a pathway to the future. They are shunning the 3,000 square foot homes in favor of movable “tiny homes” of 400 SF or less.  This is a dynamic generation willing to move to wherever the jobs are.  Our government needs to embrace these attitudes and help them along the way.  The first contribution is to somehow make higher education more affordable.

Sadly we need to write off many around today. Mainly those who are stuck in a very hateful past or those who are not willing to put in the effort to join the middle class. That is our future…

My Small Town And Crime…

2016-04-22_10-04-25.pngI am going into my seventeenth year living in my small town in southwestern Indiana.  It is a town of about 2,000 people and a county of 20,000.  It is in the bottom 20% of the State in that regard. I certainly enjoy small town life.  I have been here long enough that most people at least know that I am the  old”deaf” guy. We aren’t quite “Mayberry” as portrayed to the right but we are probably about as white and as few in number. 🙂

Our small daily newspaper, yeah we still have one, doesn’t have much of a staff so they for the most part just print what is given to them. It seems the majority of our daily newspaper is about high school sports and who recently died.  Investigative reporting is non-existent. There are occasional letters to the editor that discusses our local government but for the most part no one in government and especially law enforcement are seriously questioned.  That is an underlying theme for this post.

In the sixteen years I have lived here crime it seems has been pretty static, at least from what I can glean from the newspaper and talking to other townspeople. There was recently a murder of a small child that made State wide news but murder and robbery is thankfully a very rare occurrences in my small town. A couple of times a year I see where the sheriff raids another meth lab but for the most part my small town seems almost immune from the big city problems of Indianapolis which brings me to the main topic of this post.

The budgets related to criminal activities  in our county has taken a sharp increase in the last few years and I just can’t fathom why. For years we got by with one judge handling the legal matters for our county. Most, if not all, the county employees were housed in the 100 year old county courthouse.  And then things suddenly changed. About four years ago when our long-time circuit judge retired it was decided that one judge could not handle the volume anymore. We needed two judges now.

We also needed a greatly expanded support team including more deputies for the three enforcement agencies in our small county. So many more employees where added that they had to seek additional space beyond the court house. Of course along with all this demanded remodeling much of the court house space to accommodate the expanded bureaucracy.  More tax dollars…

Tax dollars dedicated to criminal activities have taken a giant leap here but I just don’t see the cause of it?  And now a plan is underway to close down three of the four courthouse entrance doors and to put some more newly hired  guards  with metal detectors and weapons at the final one.  Of course that means more expense.

Is all of this being caused by real threats or just  increased fear?  Since my county is very red when it comes to its politics I kind of think the later. Fear is very dominant on that side of the aisle.   But I won’t be voicing much opposition to these changes as I don’t want to be deemed the “troublemaker” in my small town.  That can almost be the kiss of social death in a small town….