Always Greener…

I have always been a dreamer. I still sit out on starry nights thinking about my future. I have done that for the last seventy years. But, there is another side to dreaming, and that is to dream what my life would have been if I had made some different decisions. That is commonly known as:

The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence.

For most of us, this kind of dreaming results in disappointment and frustration, and that is counterproductive and often down right depressing. “Would a”, “Could a”, “Should a” is a way to learn from your past mistakes, but to fixate on it is sometimes very negative.

Since I am in a reflective mood right now, I seem to be caught up in looking backward more than forward, and in some ways that is a good thing. I am remembering many of the good times I had with my wife. But, it is far more satisfying to live in the present. That is hard to do for me, and I expect many of you.

I need to face the fact that my lifelong dreaming has perhaps caused more harm than good. By always dreaming of the future made my life in the present disappointing. I wanted my future to happen on my schedule, but never had the gumption to really make that happen. I recognize that now. It’s not too late to do something about it, but the window of opportunity is closing for me.

I say I need to live in the now, but what does that really mean? A typical day now means I get up about 7am and almost immediately check on the news of the day. That used to take about an hour, but now it is accomplished in usually twenty minutes. I usually spend much of the rest of the day journaling my thoughts about a myriad of issues. Is this the way I should spend the rest of my life? Should I dream for something more exciting?

I do get pleasure from what I do day-to-day, or else I wouldn’t be doing it. But, should I expect more? I have thought about this quite a lot lately, but not enough to yet result in any discrete action. I know I want to diversify, so to speak, and need to discover just where that might take me. That, alone, should make for a more satisfying daily life.