Having My Say

When The World No Longer Sees You…

Trotsky, says, “…the biggest surprise in a man’s life is old age.” 

Youth and good looks are king. And there’s a sad place, somewhere around middle age, when we realize that we’re beginning to disappear.  I am at the tail end of that time now. I am definitely disappearing now. I see all my old high school classmates’ obituaries, or maybe even more sadly, pictures of who they have become today.

I simply don’t understand where the 21st century has gone. It seems like yesterday that as an IT engineer, I was getting ready for Y2K. But I do have thousands of photos of the many trips I have taken since that time. But, they just don’t seem real now. I am definitely disappearing now.

In my mind, I am still that thirty-some year old who dreams about the future. Of course, most of what I dreamed never happened, and it is too late to make that happen now. Without my wife, I am struggling with the constant social situations here in my RetCom (retirement community). Why am I even here, there is nothing but old people here. There seems to be more walkers, scooters, wheelchairs here than there are people. I am definitely disappearing now.

As each day now passes, and it seems I am able to do less and less. Just three years ago, I could easily walk 2 miles a day. Now, one mile is a struggle. The end is likely near (whatever that means), but my mind refuses to accept that fact.

I am definitely disappearing now. But that’s the way it must be. We had our chance, now it’s someone else’s turn.

3 thoughts on “When The World No Longer Sees You…”

  1. Hugs, from somewhere in the middle of the Indian Ocean. As a somewhat long term follower of yours, I encourage you not to give up.
    I still enjoy reading your thoughts and unique take on things.
    Jackie

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    1. Thanks, Jackie, for the Hug. I wrote this post as a philosophical thought, not one from depression. I was thinking of my father and how he absolutely refused to think about his death. Anytime someone would even begin to talk about death, he would leave the room.

      I, on the other hand, just see it as a normal part of life. I don’t celebrate it, but I fully recognize it. But I have been down lately because my optometrist informed me a few months ago that my cataracts would likely cause me to fail my driver’s license test coming up later this year. I know a time will come when I have to give up driving, but I am not ready for that yet. I had an appointment yesterday with an eye surgeon, and after several tests, he told me that my cataracts were very mild and nothing to worry about for at least another three years. I think when it is time for another pair of glasses I will be going to someone else. Anyway, that was a big weight off my shoulders.

      I will continue celebrating life, as long as it goes one.

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